But they’re no match for this traveler.

A warrior not by choice but necessity, Eli (Denzel Washington) seeks only peace but, if challenged, will cut his attackers down before they realize their fatal mistake. It’s not his life he guards so fiercely but his hope for the future; a hope he has carried and protected for 30 years and is determined to realize. Driven by this commitment and guided by his belief in something greater than himself, Eli does what he must to survive–and continue.

Only one other man in this ruined world understands the power Eli holds, and is determined to make it his own: Carnegie (Gary Oldman), the self-appointed despot of a makeshift town of thieves and gunmen. Meanwhile, Carnegie’s adopted daughter Solara (Mila Kunis) is fascinated by Eli for another reason: the glimpse he offers of what may exist beyond her stepfather’s domain.

But neither will find it easy to deter him. Nothing–and no one–can stand in his way. Eli must keep moving to fulfill his destiny and bring help to a ravaged humanity.

Alcon Entertainment presents a Silver Pictures production, a Hughes Brothers Film: “The Book of Eli.” The film stars two-time Academy Award winner® Denzel Washington (”Training Day,” “Glory”), Gary Oldman (”The Dark Knight,” the “Harry Potter” films), Mila Kunis (”Forgetting Sarah Marshall”), Ray Stevenson (”Punisher: War Zone”), Jennifer Beals (Showtime’s “The L Word”), Frances de la Tour and Michael Gambon (both of “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”).

“The Book of Eli” is directed by the Hughes Brothers (”Menace II Society,” “Dead Presidents”) from a screenplay by Gary Whitta. It is produced by Joel Silver, Denzel Washington, Broderick Johnson, Andrew A. Kosove and David Valdes. Steve Richards, Susan Downey and Erik Olsen serve as executive producers, with co-producers Steven P. Wegner, Yolanda T. Cochran and John David Washington.

The creative team includes director of photography Don Burgess, production designer Gae Buckley, editor Cindy Mollo and costume designer Sharen Davis. Jon Farhat is the visual effects supervisor. Music is composed by Atticus Ross, and the music supervisor is Deva Anderson.

“The Book of Eli” will be distributed domestically by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company. Summit Entertainment is the international sales representative.

It is rated R by the MPAA for some brutal violence and language.

But as the Tiger tally climbs, some folks – including comedian D.L. Hughley — are wondering if race has played a role in the coverage of the scandal.

In a new interview with Access Hollywood, Hughley painted a controversial parallel between the Tiger scandal and a notorious murder trial involving a very famous African-American former athlete.

“This is similar to the O.J. [Simpson] trial in that it is race, it is a star athlete and there’s a young blonde woman,” Hughley told Access. “Of course, we don’t have the tragedy of having two people dead, [but] it taps into that visceral reaction with race.”

While it may be an unsettling comparison, Hughley – who hosts New York’s WRKS KISS FM morning show – believes race is, in fact, playing a big part in the world’s reaction to the Tiger sex scandal.

“Would this be an issue if Tiger Woods’ wife had been a woman of color?” Access asked him.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “I think it wouldn’t have galvanized the country, the world primarily, the way that it has if there weren’t components of race, sex, power. I think the idea of a superstar athlete having sex with a woman outside his marriage is so pedestrian, it’s not funny. It happens all the time.”

Adding to the shock and awe of the Tiger controversy is the fact that the figure at the heart of it all had worked so hard to carefully construct an image of a star athlete and family man – an image that has now come crashing down.

“Everything Tiger did, I’ve done. I know men who have done. And to hurt someone like that is a very painful process,” Hughley continued. “But to have to do that with the eyes of the world upon you is that much more difficult I would imagine.”

In his analysis, Hughley refers to his own past transgressions during the early part of his 24-year marriage to wife LaDonna while raising their three children.

“It’s a tough, tough thing. I think that he will be a better person because of it, but I resent the fact that a lot of people are telling him how he should do it,” he added.

And as far as the reaction of his listeners on his morning show program, Hughley said it has been all over the map.

“Some of them are white people who are happy because a black man dominated a sport where he traditionally hadn’t, and there are some black people who are happy this has happened to him because he is a black man who some feel hasn’t been black enough,” Hughley contends.

According to the mag, the quarterback knew the gender of the baby, but Gisele wanted it to be a surprise.

“She’s a very intelligent woman,” he said earlier this month. “I wanted to find out and she didn’t, so she said, ‘Go ahead.’ It will be a surprise for her.”

As previously reported on AccessHollywood.com, Gisele, 29, and Tom, 32, were married twice this spring. They first walked down the aisle in a very private ceremony on February 26 at St. Monica Catholic Church in Los Angeles and then again in early April in the Nicoya Peninsula region of Costa Rica, where the Brazilian beauty owns a home.

This is Gisele’s first child. The New England Patriots quarterback has a son, John, with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan.

Well, we’d have a lot of peace and quiet and a lot more money, but the truth be told, we’d be miserable. Plus, we wouldn’t have near as many jokes to tell. Sure, you could still make fun of your buddy, but we’d be missing out on a lot of funny opportunities.

Enjoy these great jokes about our beloved women.

33. Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.

32. A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

laundromat 33 of the Best Women Bashing Jokes Ever

31. Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be
able to support you.

30. Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.

29. Question: What’s six inches long and two inches wide and drives women
wild?
Answer: Money.

28. A man put an ad in classified section of the newspaper: “Wife Wanted”.
The next day, he received several responses. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine”.

27. Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?
Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your
house and car with them.

26. Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

25. Question: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Answer: Pregnant.

24. Question: What food reduces a woman’s sex drive by at least 90 percent?
Answer: Wedding cake.

23. When a man marries Miss Right, he never realizes that her first name is
“Always”.

army1 33 of the Best Women Bashing Jokes Ever

22. Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian
Gulf?
Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

21. Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”

20. A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate
for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and
he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he
suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up
further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew
he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and
the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday
the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse
for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I
was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.

19. Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.

18. Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out?
Answer: He died laughing.

17. Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis?
Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

16. Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.

15. Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.

pitbull 33 of the Best Women Bashing Jokes Ever

14. Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.

13. Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.

12. Question: Why did God give men penises?
Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.

11. Question: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
Answer: You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.

10. Question: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
Answer: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

9. Question: What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Answer: Not really too much, but you can’t help but crack a smile when one
tumbles down the stairs.

beer 33 of the Best Women Bashing Jokes Ever

8. Question: How many men does it take to open a beer?
Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.

7. Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

6. Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Answer: Ten minutes of silence.

5. Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

4. Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?
Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of
the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is
on the back of a milk carton.

3. A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank.

In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back
on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face.
She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.

He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked
if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed
her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the
bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he
had seen his face.

The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”

2. Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her
intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.

adam 33 of the Best Women Bashing Jokes Ever

1. One beautiful afternoon in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God,
“Lord, I have a problem.”

“What’s the problem, Adam?” God replies.

“Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with
this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals. I appreciate all
that you have given me, but I’m just not happy”, Adam answers.

“Why is that, Adam”, God asks.

“Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all
of the beautiful animals, but I have no one special to share it with and I’m
lonely”, Adam explained to God.

“Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a woman
for you”, God told him.

Perplexed, Adam asked, “What’s a woman, Lord?”

God replies, “This woman will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and
beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she
can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and
caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her
beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth.. She will cook and clean for
you and do everything that you ask without ever complaining. She will provide
every sexual need and fantasy you will ever think of and meet all of your
sexual needs. She will bear your children and raise them without complaints.
This woman will be the perfect companion for you.”

“Wow! That sounds great,” exclaimed Adam. “Where is she?”

“Not so fast,” said the Lord. “A woman this fantastic is going to cost you.”

“How much”, asked Adam.

“An arm and leg”, God replied.

Adam thought about this for a moment, then replied, “What can I get for a
rib?”

The rest is history.

I know there are many more woman bashing jokes out there. When you’re handed
joke material such as a woman herself, the joke possibilities are endless.
However, these are my 33 favorites. What are some of your favorites?

Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!

Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts
nagging you? made the chain too long.

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the
police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says “what seems to be
the problem officer?” the cop looks bluntly at him and says “are you aware
that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?” the man let out a sigh
“thank fuck for that i thought i had gone deaf!”

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.

Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why don’t women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it
up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says “Thank you for
freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.” The man
says “Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I
want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Phoof! There is a flash of
light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He
continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.” Phoof! There is
a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.” Phoof! There is a
flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why.
(Adam Ferrara)

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!

Why haven’t any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn’t need cleaning yet

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.

Woman inspires us to great things…and prevents us from achieving them.
(Dumas)

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women’s rights.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

Women are cute and cuddly – every man should own one.

How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How do you get a woman dizzy?

Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

The workshop was chaired by MONUC Force Commander, Lt. General Babacar Gaye and attended by all contingent commanders as well as Ms. Yewande Odia, Chief of MONUC’s Conduct and Discipline Unit (CDU), Ms. Alexandra Hampton, Officer in Charge of the Office of Internal Oversight Services (OIOS) team in the DRC, and staff from all MONUC Military Police (MP) detachments. Ms. Malcorra’s Department includes the parent Conduct and Discipline Unit which oversees all CDU work in the field.

General Gaye reviewed decisions to deploy SEA assessment teams to a number of areas in the eastern region since July, after a number of vague accusations against the force were brought to MONUC’s attention. The teams did not uncover breaches of discipline but General Gaye said this innovation to strengthen the mission’s preventive capacity would continue.

Ms. Odia (CDU) emphasised the importance of avoiding fraternization between peacekeepers and local people and Ms.Hampton (OIOS) highlighted the degree to which the military chain of command can influence peacekeepers’ behaviour and prevent allegations against the Force, whether they are true or false.

General Gaye also cautioned that unintended fraternization with local people often provided opportunities for people to accuse the force of misconduct and should be avoided. He directed commanders to identify areas and activities that exposed the peacekeepers to allegations and “put an end to them”.

Among steps for consideration are: a ban on trading with local market vendors in proximity to camps; requests to local police authorities to bar traders from the vicinity of UN military camps; construction of screens and improved lighting and fencing around military premises.

General Gaye reminded commanders and ranking officers that they were personally accountable to him and to their national authorities for the disciplinary record of their troops. He said that all troop contributing
countries must continue to deal harshly with those who are repatriated as a result of SEA and should enforce a system of ‘black-listing’ personnel found guilty of SEA so that they never return to any UN Mission.

A number of commanders expressed concern that when allegations are made, formal investigations do not proceed fast enough. Ms. Malcorra agreed that delayed findings sometimes added to the damage caused by public allegations.
“It is important for the plaintiffs and for the UN to get to the bottom of allegations as quickly as possible and to publicize sanctions or other outcomes,” she said. We cannot allow the actions of a very few to compromise the high standards that are expected of UN Peacekeepers globally.”

Ms. Malcorra, directs all support for United Nations peace missions worldwide.
Her staff at UNHQ supports 32 field operations currently comprising over 100,000 military, police and civilian personnel.

Ms. Malcorra’s four-day visit to the DRC included meetings with Government policymakers in Kinshasa, discussions with MONUC’s military and civilian leadership and personnel in Kinshasa, Goma and Bukavu. She also visited the isolated eastern community of Kibua where peacekeepers of a mobile operating base provide protection to the local population, including armed escorts twice weekly for community members to travel in safety from their villages to local market places and back, a task of particular importance to the women in the community.